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...desire discrepancy, or a desire gap, is the most common problem brought to sex therapists. It's estimated that one out of every three couples experiences this difficulty. And that really doesn't count the kinds of hills and valleys that all couples go through, even when they have a really healthy sex life. It's really what becomes the main issue in their relationship...
...spouses] are fairly evenly matched - sex is not an issue, and it's a good part of their marriage. But it is very, very common for people to be mismatched in their sexual desire. That in and of itself is not a deal-breaker and is not necessarily a problem. How couples deal with that really becomes the issue. We discovered in the survey, and it bears itself out in my practice, that the person with the lower sex drive controls the sexual relationship, not out of a need to manipulate or control, but because they have veto power...
...biological reasons. There are many physical conditions that contribute to low desire, as well as the medications that treat them. It's a fairly well-known fact, for example, that most antidepressants dampen desire and the ability to be aroused. A cardiovascular disease of any sort is a problem too, as well as some of the medications that treat it. Hormonal fluctuations, such as testosterone, also affects sex drive. So it would make perfect sense for any man experiencing a drop in desire to start by visiting his physician and having a thorough check-up. That's step number...
Very often the problem can be emotional. For example, depression is rampant. With the economy being what it is, companies are being downsized and men are losing their jobs. Women really do not understand the full impact it has on men's self-esteem when they are let go from their positions. Obviously the last thing they would be interested in is making love...
...exercise. All she ever wears is sweatpants. It makes me feel that she feels that the relationship isn't important. I've just lost my attraction for her." If [those wives] think there's any chance at all that their looks may have something to do with the problem, rather than bemoan the fact that they think their husbands are shallow - I agree - they should also understand that attraction is a very basic, animalistic thing - especially for men. Men are more visually oriented when it comes to arousal. So women can debate that, but the truth is, if they really...