Word: shuffleboard
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Dates: during 1980-1989
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...centrifugal force as one set of skates slices within inches of another, spectators have found an appealing amount of danger. There is less of it than in aerial skiing, which is as much a sport as cliff diving in Acapulco, but much more than in that odd amalgam of shuffleboard and housecleaning called curling. In the current heat of demonstration sports, short-track skating seems worthiest to win normal- event status...
...There are lots of old people there. Many are paranoid, big-mouthed, incredibly pushy New York Jews. Even worse, their bodily fluids have been dried up from spending too much time lying under the tropical sun and complaining about the havoc other people's grandchildren are wreaking on the shuffleboard equipment, baking their brains into blackened rocks. You get the Picture...
Grandma (who we were, of course, going to visit) lives in a Condo Complex. Most Condo Complexes (and there are many) have similar features: swimming pools, shuffleboard courts, tennis courts, clubhouses, lots of old people, and lots of completely identical buildings to house the old people. They also generally have imposing walls and gates staffed by crack walkie-talkie-toting octogenarian security forces. Grandma assures me this is to provide protection from the hordes of degenerate muggers and rapists who swarm around South Florida after the sun sets...
...only other Congressman to miss the vote was Fred Grandy '71, who took an emergency junket to the Carribean when he learned that Julie misplaced all the ship's shuffleboard cues...
...apartment dwellers with children, play space is at a premium. A dozen mothers, members of the West Hollywood Munchkins Play Group, convene three days a week in cramped West Hollywood Park. They unlock a wooden shed, pass out toys and warily eye the winos by the shuffleboard court and the gay men seeking casual sex around the shrubs and public toilet. "We complain to the police, and they arrest these perverts in the toilet," Abrams says. "Look, I don't care what they do, but I don't want it in front of my kid. We want a separate children...