Word: minnesota
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Dates: during 1980-1989
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...student at the University of Minnesota. (Yes!) He admitted to having tickets behind the goal to every Golden Gopher hockey game, including the last one. (Yes!) Then he made a lewd comment to one of my friends...
...avoid this chilling scenario, I went home to Washington, D.C. for the summer. I vowed to infiltrate the upper echelons of the federal government and then use its vast resources to root out Minnesota fans...
...tried to tease some Michigan fans--on the theory that Minnesota and Michigan are basically the same--but they ignored me. I then pressured my little sister into posing as a Minnesota fan, but she changed her mind in the middle of my victory dance...
Instead, I spent hours loitering outside the offices of elected officials from Minnesota. I planned to run up behind anyone leaving these offices and go sliding past. "Wow," I'd say. "This is just like hockey...and speaking of hockey, are you a University of Minnesota Golden Gophers hockey...
...took to wearing my bold "Harvard Hockey, National Champs" shirt through crowded malls and busy streets. Like single-color 10-foot high tapestries of modern art, this shirt "confronts" the viewer. Any true University of Minnesota fan would crump at the sight of it, I reasoned, and then I could move in for the kill...