Word: lampooner
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Dates: during 1990-1990
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Just a few months ago the Lampoon staged a rally in the same place to celebrate Harvard's first-place finish in the annual U.S. News ranking of universities. The turnout at their rally was one of the largest in recent memory. It was disturbing that the crowds could get more excited about screaming "Hurray for Harvard" than about yelling "Peace now!" (or "Love it or leave it," for that matter...
Since then, Lampy members have strained their puny intellects thinking of ways to get rid of the sturdy trunk and graceful branches that obscured the building's view of Elsie's. Compers were asked to invent unique techniques for destroying nature's beauty. Lampoon officers made an annual tradition of asking the city arborist to remove the tree...
According to City Arborist Jack R. Kelley, "Those nice little gentlemen at the Lampoon took it upon themselves to put an axe to that tree." Yet despite incontrovertible evidence, Dean of the College Archie C. Epps III said, "some persons--we do not know if they were members of the Lampoon--attacked the tree...in effect killing the tree...
Epps' ignorance of the Lampoon's butchery cannot be inadvertant. We demand a full investigation into the death of the tree and disciplinary action against those responsible. If Epps' self-described "vigorous efforts" cannot expose the obvious perpetrators, an independent investigator should be appointed immediately. And if the investigator concludes the Lampoon is responsible, the entire executive board of the Lampoon should resign in disgrace...
Rumor has it that the Lampoon's thirst for destruction will continue long after the tree is gone. College administrators who turn the other way will regret not nipping vegicide at the bud. The 'Poonsters must be stopped...