Word: lampooner
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Dates: during 1990-1999
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...Crimson may have made a few mistakes in its time. And it's true, the paper may not arrive on time every single morning. But unlike members of the Harvard Lampoon, we've never stooped to murder. More precisely, Lampoon members have committed a brutal act of vegicide, with premeditation and malice aforethought...
Harvard lore has it that the tree that once stood in front of the Lampoon's Bow St. "castle" was planted 25 years ago by former Cambridge Mayor Alfred E. Velluci in an act of revenge against the Lampy's high-jinks...
Since then, Lampy members have strained their puny intellects thinking of ways to get rid of the sturdy trunk and graceful branches that obscured the building's view of Elsie's. Compers were asked to invent unique techniques for destroying nature's beauty. Lampoon officers made an annual tradition of asking the city arborist to remove the tree...
According to City Arborist Jack R. Kelley, "Those nice little gentlemen at the Lampoon took it upon themselves to put an axe to that tree." Yet despite incontrovertible evidence, Dean of the College Archie C. Epps III said, "some persons--we do not know if they were members of the Lampoon--attacked the tree...in effect killing the tree...
Epps' ignorance of the Lampoon's butchery cannot be inadvertant. We demand a full investigation into the death of the tree and disciplinary action against those responsible. If Epps' self-described "vigorous efforts" cannot expose the obvious perpetrators, an independent investigator should be appointed immediately. And if the investigator concludes the Lampoon is responsible, the entire executive board of the Lampoon should resign in disgrace...