Word: hells
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Rivermen have a saying that Pittsburgh's Golden Triangle harbor-where the Monongahela and Allegheny Rivers meet to form the Ohio-is "great for towboats but hell on showboats." It was hell last week on one of the biggest, whitest and trimmest of U.S. inland excursion steamers, the Island Queen...
...reminisced at every turn. Shown a 22-year-old portrait of himself in Kitchener's City Hall, he quipped: "I didn't look any better then than I do now." Once, a farmer who had known him for years edged up, called out: "Hello, Billy. How the hell are you?" The P.M. grinned and said he was fine. At a picnic in Waterloo Park, a crowd of 4,000 passed before his canopied stand while a local functionary kept intoning: "If you've had a look, kindly move along and let someone else have a look...
...paintings looked like tremendously outsized Sunday school chromos darkened by varnish and dirt. In the general murk, Moses could be discerned gesticulating at Pharaoh, a sad-faced monk daydreamed over an organ, pagan gods fell in a heap beneath a cross, and Paolo and Francesca embraced in hell. Critics wondered how the great illustrator could possibly have turned out such daubs...
Some people don't like Benchley. But then some people don't like Coca-Cola, baseball games, or the Old Howard. Benchley's stock in trade is undiluted humor -- sometimes tempered with sophistication, cynicism, or satire, but invariably funny as hell. No one knows precisely what makes people laugh. Benchley's theory is that "all laughter is merely a compensatory reflex action to take the place of sneezing." If this is true, Benchley must be an awful pain in the neck for the manufacturers of Kleenex, a product which would have alarmingly small sales among the devotees...
...ideal news item, even if no other newspaper [knows] it. It gets Ken's name in the paper, informs his neighbors what he is doing, and entices the attention of people who never heard of him, if only to make them comment that this is one hell of a newspaper...