Word: fm
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Many seniors kick back after their thesis is completed and get surprised with a swift kick from oral examinations. An empathetic FM offers 15 things to say if you blank out. (FM is not responsible for the consequences) 1) I feel this oral examination is concentration-normative. 2) Karl Marx, Friedrich Hegel and Jessica Simpson walk into a bar... 3) My dog was stoned and ate all my books. He was very hungry. 4) How’s your marriage, Professor? Not having enough sex? Feel the need to take your frustrations out on undergrads? 5) I may not know...
...timely expose in the October 19th issue of Fifteen Minutes took us one tick closer to solving the mystery of the giant old green clock in Harvard Square outside Bank of America. The timepiece was inexplicably stuck—seemingly permanently—at 12:16. Now FM returns with a hard-hitting follow-up investigation. The clock, of which neither Bank of America nor Cambridge nor Harvard will claim ownership, now reads 10:15. What is the significance of the clock’s nine-hour and fifty-nine minute great leap forward to the future? Or rather...
...sophomore year approaches, freshmen, beware—the Yard’s bunk beds and random roommates can be pretty bad, but some of the worst living at Harvard is in the Houses. FM scoured both River and Quad, leaving no roach-infested walk-through unvisited and no synonym for “small” unused, to identify the most atrocious rooms. The few and the proud, all housing sophomores: Lowell M-12: Crimson editor Joy Z. Chen is at a loss to describe the shape of the Polly Pocket-sized common room in her double?...
...Friends with benefits sounds good on paper, but never works in practice. You know what else sounds good on paper? Communism." —Dr. Drew Pinsky, at last week’s Trojan College Media Roundtable, attended by FM crack reporter Lena Chen. Thanks for the civics lesson, Pinsky...
...great way to lure incoming students to your oh-so-social school? How about no parties on Friday because of the LSATs/MCATs? Instead, check out the Lockdown at Hoffa’s for 7 bucks. Speaking of pre-frosh, legal age in Boston is still 18, cradle-robber. SATURDAY FM still doesn’t know what jollies are, but maybe you can figure it out at Get Your Jollies Volume 5 on Saturday night. If so, please give us some—or take them to Leverett House’s 80s Dance...