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Between Eleganza, “the FM Freshman 15,” and last week’s Bell Lap application, it’s an exciting time of year for miserable Harvard students who like to celebrate their own false sense of worth on this campus through acts of public narcissism. Meanwhile, pre-frosh weekend offered us a sneak preview of the next generation of jokers who will help make this place terrible for four more years. With so much inexcusable behavior to choose from, we decided to provide a quick round-up of “The Most...
...Anne: “Some dungeon?” (more scrambling, muttering) Richard: “...uh...your bed chamber.” But Professor Blair G. Hoxby showed up these slackers by having all his lines from “Much Ado About Nothing” down pat. FM gives him extra props for creating some serious sexual tension with his female TF, who repeatedly groped him throughout their scene. Professor W. James Simpson was the one doing the violating in his scene, where he showed off his dramatic flair by adding in some improvised ass-grabbings...
...times, FM stays up at night worrying. Is the Fifteen Hottest issue objectifying? Are we perpetuating dangerous stereotypes about beauty? Are we falsely putting people we hardly know on a faulty pedestal? Then we take an Ambien, wake up the next morning, order an egg white omelette from the grill, and decide we were being silly. After all, this is Harvard, and there isn’t much physical beauty to go around, so when we find it, we celebrate it. And by celebrate, we mean take lots of photos of it and print it in the magazine and post...
Rumors abounded last week that Tom Cruise wanted to hoover his newborn’s afterbirth. After our gossip sources ruefully reported the story was a “joke,” FM turned to a Harvard Medical School professor to determine whether Maverick was missing...
FRIDAY Kuumba and DJ Shiftee host “Get It!” in the Adams Dining Hall for $5. FM will be there as soon as names of dances stop telling them what to do. The FAM Inc. (they’re so much more than just a blocking group—they even have their own t-shirts!) presents Chapter II in a TBA location. If only Michael “You can call me Cash” Anderson ‘08 could announce it in Justice. SATURDAY The Ho-Co guarantees FM that you won?...