Word: condiments
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Dates: during 2000-2000
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That was until Monday, when, seven months after the New Year, H. J. Heinz decided to drop a bombshell on an American public: In an attempt to recapture the Nickelodeon market, the Pittsburgh-based condiment giant is planning to introduce green - yes, green! - ketchup in October of this year...
...some unknown reason the folks over at Heinz didn't - green is really an unfortunate choice for a condiment. First of all, there's the relish association. Relish, as far as I can tell, is the bastard child of cut-rate mustard and those icky sweet pickles...
There are exceptions, of course, to my anti-green condiment rule. Green chile sauce (? la Tabasco) is passable, I suppose, but even though it's often hotter than its red counterpart, it always seems a pale imitation. Green salsa is palatable, but generally brings to mind questions I'd rather not contemplate while eating, like: How did this color come into being? What sort of bizarre food colorings am I consuming? Could I use this salsa in a multimedia performance art project...
...Heinz dynasty obviously know what they're doing; the company's been an American icon since the 1870s. And goodness knows there's no harm in innovation. I just hope the new ketchup doesn't pave the way for a landslide of increasingly dramatic reincarnations in the condiment market - or we could all spend the foreseeable future nibbling on sandwiches spread with magenta peanut butter and platinum-hued...
...trio see the fall, they can thank a young fan base with little better to do than badger TV execs, abetted by websites, the fanatic's best friend. Roswellians sent the WB thousands of bottles of Tabasco sauce, a favorite condiment of the aliens. (WB flacks reshipped bottles to TV critics nationwide.) Felicityphiles have sent in cassettes like the ones Felicity mails to her friend Sally--and, creepily, locks of their own hair--and crashed WB servers with e-mail. Meanwhile, Freaks freaks are sending peanuts to networks that may buy the show (a favorite character on the show...