Word: chinstrap
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...biology department, report some exceptions, like the laysan albatross. Last year, researchers studying a Hawaiian colony of albatrosses found that nearly a third of all the couples involved two females who courted and then shared parenting responsibilities. (Albatrosses don't have U-Hauls, so no lesbian jokes, please.) Male chinstrap penguins also form long-term relationships, at least in captivity. And some male bighorn sheep will mount females only after the females adopt male-like behaviors. (Watch a gay marriage wedding video...
TILL DEATH DO US PART And now for something truly unusual in nature: monogamy. For the black vulture, the California mouse and the chinstrap penguin, this rare state of affairs--or lack of affairs--is in the best interests of both male and female. Monogamy may not be for everyone, but staying faithful is sometimes the shrewdest reproductive strategy...
...punch the terrorist one time in the face. Because I am a nonviolent person, but would still feel a certain amount of anger, I would probably give the would-be terrorist a football helmet to put on when my turn came up. Then as he was affixing the chinstrap, I would kick him in the balls...
...expensive: tickets range from $10-35, and the taxi is $10 round-trip from South Station. Be prepared for a spectacle that's slightly less dizzying than a three-ring extravaganza but that compensates with a mascot: a cross-dressing middle-aged man named "Grandma" whose wig has a chinstrap...
...pick up an application for Senior Class Marshal. I told her that there must be some kind of mistake, that I had never led a parade, had no flaming-baton-twirling abilities whatsoever and would feel ridiculous wearing one of those big white hats with the gold chinstrap anyway...