Word: chatuchak
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...reach the southern end of Sector 6, a bloodcurdling screech rends the steamy, tropical air. Chatuchak is notorious for the exotic wildlife on sale, but the wailing is coming from the Ya Shop. Here, staff take turns in belting out tunes via a karaoke system, and a kid of about 12, decked out in 1970s Elvis shades, tight, dove-gray slacks and a snow-white Kangol cap, is happily murdering Van Morrison's Have I Told You Lately. Ya Shop stocks the widest range of cheesy, fitted polyester shirts in Chatuchak (from 100 baht, or $2.50, upwards). But rather than...
...then, with victory on the horizon, I blow it, throwing away the last 100 baht on a bunch of wax bananas. Well, every campaign has its casualties, and in Chatuchak it's likely to be your sanity as well as your hundred bucks...
...Chatuchak will deter even the most confident shopper, so reliable intelligence is a must. Before venturing into the labyrinth, make an investment in the quirky, illustrated map of Bangkok by Nancy Chandler. It features a detailed ground plan of Chatuchak and with it you might?just might?make it back to the hotel bar with most of your faculties intact. The map is widely available for 140 baht ($3.50) at Asia Books and Bookazine stores throughout the city, or via nancychandler.net...
...Avoid missions during heavy rain as Chatuchak's drainage system can easily overflow. As much of the market is given over to selling pets and wild animals, you could end up wading shin-deep through feculent, brackish ooze. Not a good call if you've been scratching your infernal mosquito bites raw?unless, of course, you intend to go shopping for tetanus, septicemia or worse...
...Meanwhile, you should be drinking water?and lots of it. The mercury under Chatuchak's corrugated-tin canopy can easily top 40?C. To avoid the worst of the heat, attack early?the market starts to open at 7 a.m., and most stalls are fully operational by 8 a.m. Note also that Chatuchak gets unimaginably busy, so don't operate in an unwieldy brigade. Split into mobile hit squads of twos and threes, and arrange to regroup at the prominent central clock tower (the vital landmark was donated by the market's Chinese Association in honor of the Thai King...