Word: coupon
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Dates: during 2000-2009
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...that for one week I would buy only stuff that was on sale. My first mistake was getting my lovely wife Cassandra to join me. The speed with which she both agreed and went to her computer should have clued me in to the fact that while I envisioned coupon-clipping and circular-reading, she saw the doors swing open to a World Wide Web of crap. Did you know there's an amber teething necklace that the baby doesn't actually put in his mouth but that works by releasing soothing warmth? And would you believe that...
Since I, unlike Weber, wasn't willing to subsist on lentils and superiority, I called my cousin Josh Burd, who will one day be rewarded with a MacArthur "genius" grant for coupon-clipping, which he will then exchange for three Fulbrights and a night at a Marriott. Years ago, by combining coupons, discounts, rebates and a CVS Extra Bucks card, he actually got paid $3 to buy a product that accentuates the curls of black women. He still owns that product, with the vague hope of befriending a black woman and inventing a time machine that goes back...
Josh gave me lots of detailed advice on coupon-positioning and expiration-date-hiding, but as soon as I got to CVS, I was overwhelmed by all the math and rules and price signs that screamed, Wow! Guiding me by phone, Josh let me buy some fish-oil pills that were 2 for 1. But the woman at the register mistakenly rang me up for both bottles of pills, and then I had to wait 10 minutes while a health-care-bill amount of paperwork was filled out. Ten minutes may not sound bad for $7, but it takes just...
...mumble, "Can you do a little better?" instead of mailing in receipts and filling your key ring with bar codes. Sale mavens are people who like rules and finding loopholes and outsmarting systems, whereas I'm a guy who likes flirting with a waitress for his half-price beer. "Coupon-clipping," my cousin Josh admitted, "isn't really a sexy habit - though it's very enjoyable to be hit on by 88-year-old women." It's not a bad point. I am going to start coupon-clipping when I am 176 years...
FlyBy looks forward to seeing what HCL puts in future Facebook ads. A coupon for free Lamont coffee after midnight, maybe? Now that's something that would be worth clicking...