Word: weirdness
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Your proctor won't have much beer this year, but he'll have plenty of platitudes. These meetings can be very weird. Everyone's usually trying to make a good impression, and if excess amiability makes you want to puke, I suggest you bring a vomit bag. You'll be asked to stand up and introduce yourself, just like when you first started school, 14 years ago. Only now you might say, "I'm Hank from Pittsburgh and I wanna get laid." That's always good for a laugh. If you want to make things interesting, tell them...
...referred to as a "zoo." Ah yes, but in most zoos you can but popcorn and candy and have a reasonably good time. In this zoo, you are the animals. True, you must wait in line, which is an indignity rarely bestowed on your average giraffe. But once inside, weird people try to do weird things to you. Like get you to settle outstanding term bill balances, denoted by the infamous "Red Dot" of measles fame. And multitudes of undergraduate organizations will try to solicit...
...Yeah, why not? They can't bust you for what's already dissolved in your belly--no matter how weird you're acting...
...reach. "I think they're terrific," says Kay Love, 45, a factory worker. "Men see it all. Why can't the women?" Adds Marsha Stempien, 21: "It's our night out. We don't have to be worried about being picked up by some weird guy and we can say and do what we like." A more matronly patron says simply: "It beats going bowling...
...33rd birthday is not until Feb. 7, but John is already thinking hard. Says Sam: "The neighbors think we're both kind of weird...