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Since Father Coughlin and grandfather Townsend has kinda slowed up organizin folks-and since they's a lot thet ain't named George or Fanny-I got a ideer I'd like ter form a organization of former apple butter stirrers. It would be called the "Former Apple Butter Stirrers' Society Fer The Purpose of Promulgatin, Promotin and Perpet-uatin Memories of Apple Butter Stirrin Days...
...Ennybody thet ever stirred apple butter in a copper kettle thet held more'n 20 gallon, with a hikery or maple stirrer, in the back yard when they wuz kids is eligible ter join; providin they got sick at least twice from eatin too much apple butter on homemade bread afterwards...
...figgerin on collectin no dues nor fees fer joinin. Course I know thet's gonna make some of them perfessional organizers mad. But ter keep things even, I ain't gonna make no promises neither. Fer the truth is, all the politicians and perfessional organizers has already used up all the good promises; and no former apple butter stirrers would be satisfied with enny second-rate promises...
...decided whether ter make it a stag affair or not. I ain't talked thet part over with my wife yet. But the chances is it won't be stag. (I went to one of them stag affairs at one of the clubs in our town one night and my wife heard about it. Since thet time she ain't had no use fer stags or ennything thet'd make yer stagger...
Ennyway, if they's enny TIME readers thet want ter join my "Former Apple Butter Stirrers' Society Per The Purpose of Promulgatin, Promotin and Perpetuatin Memories of Apple Butter Stirrin Days" jest tell 'em ter write me at No. 318 S. State Street, Marion, Ohio, and I'll see thet they get the proper identifyin kredentials-without spendin a penny or agreein ter nothin...