Word: royed
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...modifications don't stop there. "We'll have live targets, something that will make a noise when it's hit," says Roy of the biathlon competition. "And we can have a kangaroo cull. God we're going to have fun." Apparently, the caravan park at Smiggin Holes has been thrown open for the athletes' village, and the local operator of a toilet cleaning business, Dougie Does Dunnies, has promised to provide the cleanest toilets of any Olympic Games in history. Jacques Rogge called the official bid film "very impressive," and the latest good news is that the Kentucky Fried Chicken...
...Smiggin Holes bid is the brainchild of Rampaging Roy Slaven and H.G. Nelson, two Australian comedians (real names John Doyle and Greig Pickhaver) who have become the media darlings of the Olympic movement. Well-known radio personalities for more than a decade in Australia, the two gained an international following during the Sydney Olympic Games with their irreverent nightly television show, "The Dream." Unimpressed with Sydney's official mascots, the boys created their own, Fatso the Fat-Arsed Wombat, which became a runaway success and was carried around the Games by the likes of Billie Jean King. Athletes clamored...
...Roy and H.G. came back to the Olympics for Salt Lake, taping the "The Ice Dream" every night for broadcast a few hours later on Australia's Seven network. Due to popular demand, Seven also fed the show live through an internal Olympic television channel to the athletes' village and the International Olympic Committee. Day Five was dedicated "President's Day", for "his awesomeness," IOC President Jacques Rogge, who appeared on the show. A former surgeon, Rogge was asked by Roy whether he missed operating, and when the last time was that he had cut someone up. "This morning, actually...
...Within a few nights of the Ice Dream, Roy and H.G. had accused every country (except Australia, of course) of cheating, mercilessly mocked ice dancing and run a poll on Prince Albert of Monaco. (You choose: The monarch is a) an awesome spunk, b) a fully sick goose, c) a dork or d) a tight, up-his-own-date dickhead.) They were also receiving some 2,000 emails per day, pulling in an awesome audience share in Australia of more than 40% - although, admittedly the nation's population is the same as that of New York State...
...Roy and H.G. have bold plans for the Australian Winter Games: For starters, Australia's highest mountain, Kosciuszko, may need to be raised 1000 feet. "We've got two possibilities," says H.G. "We build a new mountain in Smiggin itself, or we build another 1000 feet on Mount Kosciusko." The new-look mountain would be named after Australia's first ever winter medallist, speed skater Zali Steggall. "We've just got to get the nation to dump all its rubbish on top of Kosciusko, compact it a bit and voila, Mount Steggall...