Word: puritans
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Dates: during 1990-1999
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These two prurient developments in our Puritan enclave will surely be greeted by divided reaction. The men on this campus, at least those who are heterosexual, may pretend to be outraged for fear of alienating the real women in their lives, but will secretly rejoice at the boon to their fantasy arsenal. I've already made my reservations at Hooters. Female students, meanwhile, will likely express mild disgust, with militant "womyn" taking to the barricades...
Needless to say, few settings could have been more different from my Harvard existence. The Puritan work ethic, half-hour lunch and drinking age seemed designed specifically to make me miserable. But despite my readiness to apply for Spanish citizenship, there was something I missed. Not apple pie or cheap gas, but the multi-colored, multi-ethnic world I call home...
...have, over the course of the last year, become strongly displeased with the thinking of this campus. I have long hoped--perhaps spurred on by an over-abundant knowledge of the Harvard of the late 1960s and an overdose of Puritan literature--that a fortuitous alignment of the stars and the coming of the Millenium would bring Harvard students together with ever-increasing celerity into a harmonious union of souls...
...presidential confidant) comes down to two basic presidential passions, one still alleged, the other long proved. The alleged passion is for fellatio. According to a lawyer who has heard them, the Lewinsky tapes show that when it comes to intimacy, the infamously reckless Clinton is a play-it-safe puritan. Facetiously referring to herself as the future "special assistant to the President for b___ j___," Lewinsky reportedly told Linda Tripp that Clinton was strict about limiting their contact to oral sex. At his age, he allegedly informed her, "you can't take the risks of intercourse...
...seems that big players in the Colonies were attracted to Puritan country. John Winthrop, Class of 1732, liked to be called "The Big Dawn of Religious Perfection" and the famous Wampanoag leader Squanto adopted the name Jimmy Ray ("T-Bone") Squanto, Jr. However, for some unknown reason (meteorite), country music seems to have died out completely in Massachusetts. We can only wonder what a difference it would have made in Northeastern and American history had it survived. Some possibilities I have come up with are: the Boston Massacre would be The Big Boston Whup-Ass; the Declaration of Independence would...