Word: ployes
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When up against an obviously superior practitioner of Globemanship, an audacious ploy, one best used by stay-at-homes of an intellectual appearance, is to abandon all pretense about having been to Europe and, indeed, to disclaim all knowledge of and interest in The Continent. The professional Inpatriate will wear a look of complete boredom while Europe is the topic, being careful, of course, not to let his expression be accurately interpreted as one of ignorance. Since, however, even people who have been to Europe are usually bored when others talks about it, the Inpatriate should occasionally interject a question...
There are many who claim these boors are destined to utter ignominy, and it would be totally unrealistic not to admit this is probably the case. It is not our intention, therefore, to raise any false hopes in these already burdened breasts by a discussion of Globemanship, the miracle ploy of non-peregrinators. We shall merely outline the concept as it has matured...
...bland expression on your face, your play is this. "Why, I never had to learn any French. My mist . . . uh . . . a girl did all my interpreting." Needless to say, a discrete look around and a man-to-man tone of voice will enhance the effectiveness of this ploy. If your tormentor has been feminine, it is safe to say she'll leave you alone for the rest of the evening...
...Guts" strategy is sometimes impracticable because of the size of the apparatus. A less strenuous type of phonemanship is the "Bell Method." In this ploy, one need only carry with him a set of bells. After having mastered the different sound combinations by which the operator can tell how much is put into the machine, the phonester merely taps his bells in the proper rhythm and places his call...
...tactics used by Nixie the kind and the good against Helen Gahagan Douglas . . . ("He audibly and publicly worried about her health . . .") recall a similar Republican ploy of 1932 when the New York Sun piously trusted that the crippled Franklin D. Roosevelt could be kept out of the presidency "for his own good...