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...takes as severe a beating--and shows as much emotion--as a crash-test dummy. He's a government spy whom his government wants dead, and he's mourning the violent death of his girlfriend. He so resembles another famous agent that you half-expect him to say, "The name is Bourne. Jason Bourne...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Quantum of Solace: Bourne-Again Bond | 11/13/2008 | See Source »

Most people don't share the names they're thinking of with friends, family and readers of weekly newsmagazines because they don't want to be talked out of their choice or have it name-napped. Those people are stupid. Having written many things that people hate, I decided to thoroughly focus-group my work--especially since my wife Cassandra rejected all my first suggestions: Whiskey, Danger, Genghis and Ribo. She also rejected all my names that were Spanish (Pablo, Alejandro), Asian (Hideki, Attila) or Hockey (Teemu, Jaromir, Zigmund), arguing that they "didn't go with Stein," much like...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Please Help Joel Stein Name His Baby! | 11/13/2008 | See Source »

...pretentious, self-important yuppie hipster, I thought it was a great idea to pay a baby-name consultant, an occupation created just a year ago. For $35, I got 12 name suggestions from Jennifer Moss at BabyNames.com that included four names we were already considering: Elijah, Jude, Dashiell and Edison, which is particularly weird because we totally made up the name Edison, since it's the town I'm from in New Jersey. My main concern with these is that they'll all get my son beaten up. But Moss said, "When we've done our surveys, people...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Please Help Joel Stein Name His Baby! | 11/13/2008 | See Source »

...best advice I got was from Eric Reyes and Whitney Walker, co-authors of The Perfect Baby Name and, for $75, name consultants. They ignore subjective reasoning like name meanings and associations and focus solely on sounds. Walker told me that the strong s or t in my last name would sound nice repeated in the first name, as would the long-i sound. Whatever I choose, she suggested that I Google the name before settling on it. "Just to make sure it's not a porn star or something," she said...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Please Help Joel Stein Name His Baby! | 11/13/2008 | See Source »

Better yet, I went on Facebook and sent messages to an Ezra Stein, a Levi Stein, two Solomon Steins and a Sigmund Stern. (That's as close as I could get.) It turns out, to my relief, that every human being likes his own name. But Solomon scared me about the nickname Sol, whereas Sigmund--who, of course, writes for the Onion--won me over with Sig and Ziggy. I also sent messages to guys with really unusual first names that we were considering, though I knew all I needed to about those names when I discovered I had mutual...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Please Help Joel Stein Name His Baby! | 11/13/2008 | See Source »

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