Word: multi
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...mastermind behind this display of onscreen prostitution? A certain Fox executive named Mike Darnell. The bride? A Suzanne-Sommers-in-her-better-days nurse from Southern California. The groom? A cool, calm and collected real estate agent who's also--you guessed it--a multi-millionaire. The wedding song? Appropriately enough, Savage Garden's ballad "I knew I loved you (before...
...multi-millionaire and the nurse's first kiss--first embrace, first sign of intimacy--was the smooch that sealed the deal. His first words to her were "You are so beautiful." I, personally, would have asked how she got to be so pathetic. National Organization for Women President Patricia Ireland said to the New York Times, "It took something like this to make the Miss America pageant look good to me. At least with the Miss America pageant, you get scholarship money and the guarantee of a yearlong...
...Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" missed that mark completely. The show combines one of our worst characteristics--our ever-lasting pursuit of monetary success--with one of our most respectable social institutions--marriage. The "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" web-site beckons to only two types of people. The right side of the screen summons anyone who wants to marry a multi-millionaire and the left side of the screen gestures to anyone who already is a multi-millionaire. Anyone who doesn't have any dollar bills to throw around or possesses enough ethics to prevent themselves...
...that, the whole thing reeked of a giant hoax. Come on, now! The Mrs. Multi-Millionaire winner was certainly the least attractive--so we looked carefully for the signs of tampering. Sure enough, she just "happened" to be from the same area of California as her husband, also roller-bladed, and eagerly gushed abou her love for golf (he, suspiciously enough, developed golf courses in the area). Most conspicuous was his lascivious romantic whispering in her ear right after she was crowned winner and the kiss which wasn't the least bit awkward. Did these two know each other...
...course, as was warned, much of this was redundant. We all know how annoying cell phones are. The point here is that this is a college. None of us are running multi-national corporations just yet. Lamont Library has posters reminding people to turn off their phones in the reading room. The fact that such posters are necessary is mind-boggling. Do we also need posters reminding people not to defecate in the stacks? What is wrong with a person that they would bring a ringing phone into a library...