Word: harvardmanship
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...first point that must be cleared up is that of nomenclature. The expert in Harvardmanship is called a Harvardman--all one word: Harvardman. He should never be confused with the ordinary Harvard man--two words: Harvard man--who is simply a man who goes to Harvard...
What, then, is Harvardmanship? Briefly, it is the Art of Overwhelming Friends and Stupefying People. Many of you, of course, have been practicing this art unconsciously, overwhelming a friend here or stupefying a roommate there, by instinct alone. And the history of amateur Harvardmanship goes back many centuries to a bright spring day in 1641, when Abijah Winthrop appeared for a Latin lesson dressed in a toga, murmuring that he felt closer to the spirit of ancient Rome that way. This so unnerved his tutor that he failed to discover that Abijah had not prepared his lesson...
...this was amateur Harvardmanship. Only in the last two decades have we seen the rise of the systematic Harvardman. The earliest of these was James FitzJames who worked out of Lowell House in the middle thirties. His favorite device was to disappear suddenly from College midway through January Reading Period, just about the time his friends began studing in earnest. Then, on the day of his first exam, he would return, strolling into the examination room five minutes late, dressed in a light Palm Beach suit and heavily tanned. Sitting down next to a friend he would inspect his exam...
...follow Asquith's career any further. Suffice it to say that he is now a full professor, and safely on tenure. In an amusing note the other day he wrote: "I don't intend to do another stroke of work in my life." Such is the result of Harvardmanship...
...think that the outlines of Harvardmanship are now clear. But you ask: How does Harvardmanship fit into the Greater Scheme of Things? What use is it to men who are leaving Harvard? The answer is that Harvardmanship is a vast life-encompassing science which cannot be affected by Commencement. When he graduates the Harvardman becomes a Harvardclubman--all one word, of course: Harvardclubman. So, for those of you who have not been Harvardmen while undergraduates, it is not too late. You still have most of your lives ahead of you: I urge you to embrace this science while you still...