Word: gibberish
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...search on your PC's hard drive for the phrase "User Profile," and you'll find a long list of items like this: yahoo.comTRUE/FALSE 3262463 493 Y v=1&n=82iosk148jr9n." This gibberish is just one in a series of digital snapshots of my recent online travels: what websites I visited; what pages I viewed and for how long; what I bought, downloaded or printed. What's more, every site I visit can send programs called "cookies" down the phone line into my machine to snag this data and either use it to try to sell me something...
Most practitioners of the nonapology are politicians who like the passive voice and the conditional. Former Senator Brock Adams never admitted to pursuing anyone but apologized in case he had made "their sensibilities feel affronted." Gibberish is the hallmark of the conditional apology. Newt Gingrich, who pleaded guilty to ethics violations, was sorry "to whatever degree in any way that I brought controversy or inappropriate attention to the House." Senator Alfonse D'Amato said he was sorry "if I've offended anyone," when he knew full well whom he had offended with his buck-toothed, "no tickee, no laundry" mimicry...
...port, after which he got up and gave the after-dinner speech. The 6-ft. 4-in. Senator swayed above me as if in a high wind and delivered a swoopingly post-Modernist oration that sounded like James Joyce addressing a Rotary luncheon on the planet Mars. His extraterrestrial gibberish nonetheless communicated to the diners an elegant music that left them well pleased and warmly mystified. Do not attempt this feat yourself. Moynihan is a trained professional...
Wall Street has a zillion ways to deal you out. You never got a chance at the Netscape IPO? Of course not: hot stock offerings are reserved for big-bucks investors. Couldn't make sense of Intel's latest gibberish on chip demand next quarter? Sure you couldn't: important details get explained in exclusive conference calls. No matter how small investors try to level the field, it always ends up tilted. Get ready for another uphill climb. In the coming weeks, companies will begin reporting second-quarter results, and some stocks will react in ways that defy logic...
...worst legacy of Heaven's Gate may yet be this: that 39 people sacrificed themselves to the new millennial kitsch. That's the cultural by-product in which spiritual yearnings are captured in New Age gibberish, then edged with the glamour of sci-fi and the consolations of a toddler's bedtime. In the Heaven's Gate cosmology, where talk about the end of the world alternates with tips for shrugging off your fleshly container, the cosmic and the lethal, the enraptured and the childish come together. Is it any surprise then that it led to an infantile apocalypse...