Word: freshmen
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...make them feel really awkward for not remembering your name. They’ll probably feel too guilty to not give you a shirt. 12) Freshwomen: Chat up the guys—it’s okay to accept t-shirts...you can’t roofie cotton. 13) Freshmen: You’re still not an upperclassman, you still can’t get into parties, and girls don’t really like younger men (Madonna is an exception...trust us). Tough luck. 14) Faust mask (See FM Feb. 15 issue). ‘Nuff said. 15) Target...
...Freshmen, by the time you read this you probably already know your fate. And if you don’t know yet, we’ll tell you right now: it sucks. Unless the letter you received this morning informing you of your housing assignment reads “Dudley Coop” there’s a 90 percent chance you’ll spend the next three years looking at hardcore internet porn. If it does read “Dudley Coop,” then there’s a 90 percent chance you?...
...something you don’t hear everyday...Friday saw the advent of every Harvard student’s dream—a “ganzcampus,” or, for those of you not versed in German, an ALL CAMPUS BANGER! Unfortunately, only Advocats, freshmen, and about four Crimson stragglers showed up to rage. Can’t say we’re surprised...Everyone’s favorite sex blogger made the mistake of posting on her recent sex slave’s wall, only to have her newfound beau turn around and deny all smooching charges...
...leading scorer Jim Goffredo. Among the returnees, Drew Housman could be the best point guard in the league with Jaaber gone and Evan Harris should be one of the better frontcourt players in the Ivies (even if he still can’t go to his right). Plus, many freshmen played well in limited minutes towards the end of the year, perhaps setting the stage for big sophomore seasons. And who knows, perhaps the new coach will bring an offense or defense so unfamiliar to the other Ivy teams, they won’t know how to defend...
...Wherever freshmen end up tomorrow, they still have an exciting three years ahead of them. The Quad is really not so bad—the rooms are spacious and modern, the house-life is great, and the shuttle service perfectly convenient. Yet by drawing this type of self-Other distinction so often within our campus, we simply make people needlessly disappointed with their...