Word: depositors
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...bill means the end of private S&L insurance in Mississippi: the closed institutions are required to negotiate to join the Federal Savings and Loan Insurance Corp. by April 1, 1977. Meanwhile, 18 have been allowed to reopen, but 22 are still closed, and the savings of their depositors hang in the balance. For example, Bankers Trust Depositor H.G. Fowler, 68, lived with his wife in a mobile home for 18 years while they saved to buy their own house. They did, only six days before the lawsuit was filed against Bankers Trust, and now worry that if they cannot...
...takes a lien for the few dollars owed and orders the protester's bank to turn over the money, for which some banks charge the depositor $5 to $20. If a bank account cannot be found, the IRS looks for other assets. In Boulder, Colo., Bob Marcus owed $ 1.25 in phone tax, whereupon the IRS seized his Volkswagen, auctioned it for $277, deducted the tax, and gave him the balance...
...initial break concerned the identity of "Helga R. Hughes," the mysterious woman who used a Zurich bank account to collect $650,000 in publisher's fees meant for Howard Hughes. On first hearing that the depositor was a woman, Irving feigned astonishment and confusion. "One day I hear she was a blonde," he said at his farmhouse on the Spanish island of Ibiza, "the next that she is a brunette. I don't know where the truth is." A great many people instantly noted that Helga Hughes' description matched to a suspicious degree that of his wife...
Some bank. The bankbook is called The Semen Depositor's Handbook. Along with it comes a brown glass bottle, for deposits. "No appointment is necessary," says the handbook, adding, in capital letters, that "IT IS IMPORTANT THAT THE EJACULATE SHOULD NOT BE OVER TWO HOURS OLD." Home collection, the booklet notes, is preferred, but the bank also maintains its own ejaculatorium in Manhattan (with, as Executive Vice President Dr. Jerome A. Silbert notes, "various levels of erotica to assist"). What do the bankers do with the deposits? They freeze them. Frozen assets, as it were...
...before sperm can be withdrawn from the bank-long enough to prevent an already pregnant woman from using artificial insemination as a cover-up for an illegitimate baby. That waiting period does not apply, however, to a man who wishes his sperm destroyed: that can be done immediately, the Depositor's Handbook guarantees. The same swift fate awaits the ejaculate of a man who fails to keep up his support payments; in Manhattan those payments amount to $18 a year, after the initial deposit...