Word: dartboard
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Early this week, Dartboard's diligent TV writer was flipping channels (and only flipping, mind you, not, heaven forbid, watching ) he caught a most curious dialogue on Oprah. A man grimly recounted the details of his alien abduction. It was tame fare for the voluminous queen of daytime trash, nothing all out of the ordinary...
...high priests--a Harvard Medical School Professor of Psychiatry, assured the audience in clam academic terms that alien abductions are undeniably common. The aliens, according to his research, are particularly interested in why we humans are so full of hostility, when we have such "a nice planet." This leads Dartboard to pose a corollary question--if our planet in truly so "nice," why doesn't Dr. Mack join us here on its surface rather than dilly-dallying around Cloud Nine...
...Government's legitimacy has broken down. The governed languish at the mercy of their leaders' kindness." Legal norms are a mere trifle to be pushed aside by an arrogant elite. Is Dartboard's intrepid correspondent sending back a frenzied dispatch from Rwanda? No, the crisis situation is centered in Emerson Hall, Harvard Yard, where the Undergraduate Council has unilaterally disqualified four out of five ballot questions .His Eminence, President and Grand Poobah Carey Gabay '94, Master of Peons and Terror of 12 Houses, through the unbounded benevolence of his magnanimous heart, has allowed a single question to remain, while chastising...
...there some acrimony behind the scenes? Not quite, an unreliable source tells Dartboard. All those puns about the Provost being a "green" administrator weren't so far off. Green, says our source, was taken over by one of those pesky alien pod-people that seem to proliferate in the Yard this time of year. As we all know, the green gook that Harvard sprays all over the dirt is not, as the administrations claim, Hydraseed, but an anti-pod-person pesticide. But this year, they came a little early, and Provost Green was the first victim. President Rudenstine and staff...
...Dartboard are worried about the consequences of this movie's release in the area. Luckily, thesis deadlines have long passed, so the film's idiotic premise (that a student loses the only copy of his thesis) won't provoke the catastrophic run on computer diskettes and Kinko's photocopiers that would have inevitably followed a pre-spring break release...