Word: corrections
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...normally write to The Crimson to correct its all too frequent mistakes. I usually have more important uses for my time, and when I do have a spare moment, I fear that responding to only some of your tabloid's mistakes would leave readers with the false impression that those of which I have not complained are, in fact, correct. As I have had more than three months in which to respond to your last issue of the spring, however, I thought that I would highlight the most blatant errors that issue contained...
After lunch, a Dorm Crew bigwig--I think it was the "Generalissimo," but it could just as easily have been the "Czar" or "Grand Poobah"--taught my crew how to wax floors. To wax correctly, one must saturate one's mop with wax and then squeeze exactly 70 percent of the wax back into the bucket. There is no other correct method...
...Moscow, they will have to do more than hoist flags and close down provincial outposts of the Communist Party apparat. They must begin filling empty store shelves, building more apartment blocks, cleaning up pollution and saving military factories from turning into rust-belt relics -- in effect, they must correct the economic and industrial carnage of seven decades of Communist rule before the people's patience runs...
...ANATOMICALLY CORRECT. Last year the band Jane's Addiction initially released Ritual de lo Habitual with nude dolls cavorting on the cover but changed to a blank white album with a quote from the First Amendment...
...doctors, lawyers and bureaucrats pull on the skintight colors (now available in extra-large sizes) and don crash helmets, they also deck out their cycles with an ever growing array of mileage computers, ergonomically correct seats, gel-filled grips, rearview mirrors and other color-coordinated gadgetry. One hot new gizmo is a cyclist's heart monitor that transmits a continuous pulse readout to a special wristwatch...