Word: controled
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...contact and said that I’m looking forward to new experiences. It didn’t quite feel like lying because I never forced myself to think about it. As someone who has spent the last four years trying to become, against the odds, an in-control, together person, the thought of being shoved out into the world on someone else’s terms was difficult to stomach. So I didn’t. Until, about a week ago, when the rash appeared, covering my arms in quarter-sized, red, itchy bumps, and resisting my every effort...
...itch, and I ran to a mirror to discover that the hives had spread to my horrified face. I wanted to cry, but the rash didn’t actually hurt that much. It was the embarrassment, even shame, I felt at being so visibly and conspicuously out of control that upset me. My face glowed angrily with a rash that I couldn’t make go away, and even though I was surrounded by my closest friends, I was so embarrassed that I took a nap instead of going downstairs to help cook dinner...
...rash’s unstoppable, uncontrollable, pushy presence left me with the same helpless feeling that graduation does. I can’t control the fact that my life is going to radically change. There’s nothing that will stop my roommates from scattering, and my dorm room from filling up with someone else’s stuff next year. The Yard will never quite feel like home again. I know I should just realize this and let go yet it’s hard for me to come to terms with that utter lack of agency, especially...
...When I awoke from my nap I decided to cede defeat to my rash. Somehow, this conscious surrender to a force outside of my control helped me to enjoy the weekend more—a trip that could have been spoiled by the specter of commencement. I decided that graduation, like embarrassing skin diseases, is just something you have to let happen to you. Unlike hives, you might even enjoy...
...None of this, of course, is to take away from the turnaround in Iraq. Last month we saw the fewest American casualties since the invasion in 2003. Basra, Sadr City, and Mosul are coming back under Baghdad's control. Many Iraqis feel safe enough to move back into their houses. And none of it should take away from General Petraeus; our troops, who are bleeding and dying to hold together a country vital to American interests; or the Iraqis, who have backed away from civil war. So why should we now mischaracterize the enemy...