Word: claus
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Dates: during 1980-1989
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...This is a Christmas tree, and this is Santa Claus at the gate." The tree is discernible; Santa Claus is not. Of a figure standing outside the ladder structure, Michael says, "This is a girl going to my house, and this is a monster kissing her." He is asked, "Where are you in the picture?" He points to the center of the green square. "I am inside the house looking out," he says...
...aboard. It is the first of many astonishments in The Polar Express + by Chris Van Allsburg (Houghton Mifflin; $15.95). Other surprises include club cars full of similarly dazed children in pajamas and nightgowns, woods full of wolves and, finally, the frozen sea of the polar ice cap--Santa Claus country. Van Allsburg has given the commonplace a legendary air, and the boy's return seems every bit as gilded as the elves, Santa's airborne sled and the homeward-bound express train, with its conductor, instead of announcing stations, calling out the best destination of all: "MERRY CHRISTMAS...
...still holding out, consider these questions. What if Santa Claus did have reindeer, and could fly? How could he possibly cover seven continents in 12 hours of darkness, and slide down 17 million chimneys? He would have to move at relativistic speeds. Rudolph's nose would be redshifted into uselessness...
Perhaps the most convincing evidence is provided by the U.S. Postal Service. Electronic tracers were put on an envelope addressed to Santa Claus. The letter did not reach the North Pole, and was, in fact followed to a dumpster in Duluth, Minn. Doubtless Santa would not choose to live in a dumpster. Especially in Duluth...
...time you face facts, people. Santa Claus, along with Rudolph and Hermie and even Yukon Cornelius, is nothing but a myth. He does not exist, so stop worrying about what kind of cookies to leave for him. It's wasted energy. Save it for the Easter Bunny...