Word: capping
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...Take a shower with your cap. Not only will the moisture shrink the hat to fit your head, it will prepare its brim for the next step. Using an herbal shampoo, gently massage your hat. Rinse and repeat...
...Place newly purchased hat on head. Note the high, sloping forehead, the flattened brow/brim. You look like a Neanderthal. Using scissors, remove the fibrous underbelly found inside the front of the cap. Congratu- lations... you've entered the Tool...
Next stop: Grafton. Order your Mom a fancy $12 mixed drink, Schmooze with he B-school elite. To cap off the evening, take the whole family to your final club of choice. If you've got a sister, make sure she's appropriately attired--I recommend tight and revealing. Once the whole clan is sufficiently sloshed, stumble back onto the streets of Gambridge, wander back to your dorm room, wake up all your roommates, and pass out on the floor. In the morning, when their hangovers wear off, your parents will thank you. You will have treated them...
...snobs may pooh-pooh an "old-fashioned" waxen stick, they fail to realize the attributes which have made the small tubes so popular. With chap-et, no more sticky fingers or goopy bowls of sludge. No astronomical cosmetics bills. No stress of using a gendered product. Just pop the cap, twist and apply...
...ended; the president, acquitted and wisely suppressing any celebration of victory, is still in office. House Republicans are trying to restore their tarnished image. Independent counsels everywhere are hoping Kenneth W. Starr hasn't put them out of work because of the way he handled his job. The cap to these past few weeks of closure was last night's 20/20 interview with Monica S. Lewinsky...