Word: school
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Dates: during 2000-2009
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...also discovered, to my surprise, that I'm a lot like the person I was in high school. Several women told me about comments I'd written in their yearbooks about their breasts. When I went up to a woman named Dana and told her that she looked exactly the same, she said, "But you never thought I looked good." I, for some reason, said, "But at least you don't look any worse," and walked away. Coors Lights can really pile...
When we got to the conference room at the Crowne Plaza in Edison, N.J. - perhaps the perfect adult analogue to being in high school - the people who worked for Reunions Unlimited Inc. asked me for $244 in cash. This seemed like a lot for a bad buffet, Coors Light and finding out what people I knew as teenagers look like, how many kids they have and what they do for a living. When Reunions Unlimited Inc. came up with its pricing plan, it was clearly unaware of Facebook. Or the career paths of people who went to public school...
...people inside - about a third of my graduating class - were not a random sample of J.P. Stevens High School students. There were almost no Asian kids, black kids, burnout kids or even-nerdier-than-me kids. No, these were solely the kids who went to keg parties. It turns out that people who liked to get together in big groups and get drunk still like to get together in big groups and get drunk. They also like to listen to music from 1985 to '89 when nostalgiaing, yet Reunions Unlimited Inc. managed to find the only DJ in America...
...ever wondered what it's like to be the most famous person at your high school reunion, it's awesome. You don't have to awkwardly walk up to anyone, because all the pretty girls and cool guys awkwardly walk up to you and tell you that their tenuous connection to you makes them proud. Sure, they're referring not to your journalism career but to the fact that they saw you on E! at the gym with the sound turned off, but after a few Coors Lights, this does not bother you at all. The only downside is that...
...worst part of the reunion was that this guy Jeff - who for over a month in elementary school tricked me into giving him the dessert my mom packed in exchange for "future" Mystic Mint cookies he kept track of on a ledger - brought a beautiful, large-breasted, heavily made-up woman wearing exactly the kind of dress my imaginary hooker would have worn...